Watching: The Walking Dead
Playing: Hyrule Warriors - Tales of Xillia 2
Yeah, just as the topic says, I would just like to give out a certain apology and a explanation.
First of, I just wanna apologize for that stupid "Virginity test" that I here posted a few days ago. That thing was just really dumb. I knew it was, but I still went through with it.
The explanation for it, was that I was just feeling rather miserable that day. I've been a little depressed that last couple of days, and I still am a bit, but that day was exceptionally worse.
I've just had that gnawing feeling in my chest and head that my life is just falling apart slowly. I have no job, and finding a new one is so damn hard, especially when you have no special expertise. So I have to live on "Unemployment funds" which barely gives me enough money to pay for bills and food. I pretty much have no money left for any kind of entertainment, and so I've been slightly reduced to begging for extra money from relatives from time to time, and I hate doing that.
And it's been like this for 8 months now and still going. it just feels awful.
Sure I know there are people who has it a lot worse than I do, but that doesn't make me feel any less bad about it.
And yeah, on top of it all, I have no one to care for me, and to care for back. I just feel so alone, and I just want this all to stop being like this.
Sure I have a lot of friends, and don't get me wrong, I love my friends, all of them. I love them more than pretty much anything else in the world. But I just want that special someone in my life. And as of right now, I just don't feel like that will ever happen, because I am just way too shy.
The thing is I just have a real problem when it comes to showing my true emotions, both love, anger and sadness. At least when it comes to showing it to other people. Tell a girl I love her, I freeze. Show a person I'm angry, I hold it back, or just gives a mere glimpse of it. Feel like I wanna cry, it just doesn't happen.
So now why did I post that dumb test?
I guess I was just looking for comfort, but I did so in the most stupid of ways, and I see that now. All I kinda wanted was to have someone telling me that things are gonna get better. Hold me, and tell me it's gonna be alright.
I rarely do anything like this, because honestly I don't like the idea of seeming like I'm begging for attention, but I just had to get this out now.
I don't know how many are really gonna read this, but I know I just feel a little bit better to have actually written it now. To at least share some of my emotions.
I've you've read this all the way through, thank you.
Now take care, and have a good day.